As you can probably imagine, I don’t really feel like preaching this morning.  I feel more like I need a good sermon myself, something to minister to the pain I’m feeling in my soul.  I appreciate so much the words that Roberta read from the 92^nd Psalm: “It is good to give thanks and sing praise to your name, to declare your steadfast love.  For you, O Lord, have made me glad by your words and my heart sings for joy.”  That’s absolutely true for me.  Anni and I feel so blessed and so thankful for these 13 wonderful years we’ve shared with you.  God has blessed us, and there will always be a song in our heart that is dedicated to you. 

        So, the first reading today, from the Psalms, is comforting to me.  The second reading, from the Gospel, is a challenge.  “Don’t worry,” Jesus says.  Trust that God will provide for you just as God provides for the birds and the flowers.  And I know that’s true. It is what it is.  Things are what they are, and the only way to ever really be happy is to accept things the way they are. I love God and I trust God but, the thing is, I’m not a bird or a flower.  I’ve got a human heart, connected to a lot of other human hearts, and it’s not so much that I’m worrying about the future as it is that I’m already grieving for a past that is approaching so much faster than I ever anticipated. 

        I identify with what Ferdinand the duck said in the movie Babe:  Here’s the scene:  It’s Christmas day on the farm and the pig, the cow, the chickens and Ferdinand the duck are all crowded around outside the kitchen window of the farmhouse, craning their necks to see which unfortunate one of their kind has been chosen to become the main course at dinner.  On the platter is Roseanna the duck, dressed with sauce l’orange. 

        Ferdinand is grieving: “Why Roseanna?  He says, “She had such a beautiful nature.  I can’t take it anymore!  It’s too much for a duck.  It eats away at the soul . . .”

        The cow, somewhat sanctimoniously says, “The only way to find happiness is to accept that the way things are is the way things are.”

        To which Ferdinand replies:  “The way things are stinks!”

        When I slip into thinking that the way things are “stinks,” it’s usually because I’m feeling like a victim and that something is being done to me instead of through me.  And that’s just not true in this case.  Life presents all of us with hard choices and part of spiritual maturity is taking responsibility for the choices we make and then living with the consequences.  Both Anni and I love Ashland.  We love you and we have been holding on for dear life, even hoping to retire here.  But, when I was ordained a United Methodist minister I took a vow to faithfully participate in the itinerant system, which holds that God is able to work through the bishop and the district superintendents.  They oversee some 200 churches and perceive a far bigger picture than any of us can see.  Anni and I love you and we know that you love us, but sometimes the reward for a job well done is another job that needs to be done.  I do trust and believe that our Creator has a Master Plan.  I also want to assure you that the bishop and the cabinet are very aware of just how sensitive a time this is in the life of our congregation.  They’re intimately aware of our building plan and our desire to attract young families.  God knows what this church needs, and God, through the bishop and the cabinet, will provide.  I trust that and I pray that you will too. 

        When I find myself a little worried about the future and lamenting the way things are, I need to recall the words that Jesus uses to conclude his remarks about not worrying.  He says, “Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and God’s righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.”  And that, by the grace of God, is my spiritual ideal.  That’s why I chose songs for today like, “Have Thine Own Way, Lord,” “Seek Ye First,” “Make Me A Servant, and “This Is My Song.”  I do trust in God, and when all is said and done, the deepest desire of my heart is to be God’s servant. 

        There’s only one other thing I want to say this morning, and that’s a word about how much I have learned from you, and how it’s helping to make this difficult decision just a little easier.  For the past several years we have watched as Jennifer Schloming has lovingly ministered to her mother.  Last Sunday night at Vespers Ellen LeDoux prayed a prayer of thanksgiving, saying that moving here to be near her father, Nevitt Smith, was the most fulfilling thing she’s ever done.  On Thursday I went up to the hospital to visit John Billings, and his daughter, Mary was at his side.  She’s moved here to be with him in his declining years.  From the hospital I went down to Linda Vista to visit Louis Hershberger, and Patty was there with him.  She’s made a huge commitment to be here for him.  In our SPRC meeting the other day, when I explained that we were moving to Salem to help my two sisters with my folks, Dan Mackay said, “I wish I had one of my brothers here to help me with my folks.”  That list could go on and on.  Many, many of you have done what it is now our turn to do, and I know your love, your understanding, and your prayers will go with us. 

        So, in closing, I’d like to share something that Chris Hjelt read at Sacred Silence Thursday night.  After the Holocaust Remembrance Service that Chris and I planned in 2004, she gave me a book that has been very special to her, called Psalms For Praying: An Invitation to Wholeness.  The author, Nan Merrill, writes that the book is “Dedicated to the indwelling Divine Guest whose Voice is heard in the Silence.”  I’d already decided that I wanted to title my sermon “Make Me A Servant” when Chris read this passage from Psalm 26, and when I heard the words, I knew that they pretty much say everything that I’m feeling this morning:

 Speak on my behalf, O beloved,

For I would choose the path

Of wholeness,

Trusting in your love

Without reserve.

May my heart be as your Heart;

May my mind be as your Mind –

As your steadfast love guides me,

As I live in faithfulness to you.

I walk with friends of integrity,

And associate with those

Who live in truth;

I love the company of faith-filled People,

And count myself among those

Who make your Word their own.

Cleanse my heart in innocence

That I might childlike be,

Singing songs of thanksgiving

And proclaiming the

Beloved’s way.

O Loving Presence, I cherish your

Dwelling place, my heart;

O, that I might radiate Love Divine;

Keep me always in your presence,

Ever-ready to praise your Name.

Make me holy, complete in You,

Write my name among the saints.

For I would choose the path of wholeness;

Fulfill your promise and be gracious to me.

Then, standing with equanimity in

Heaven’s company,

I shall ever bless You,

O Beloved of my heart.

        May Christ be your shalom.  Amen.