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April 2008
REFLECTIONS
“My
way or the High Way”
Linda
Green, in her United Methodist News Service article, “United Methodists
discuss the hard conversations” writes about our upcoming General Conference
and the need for people of faith to deal with hard conversations in ways that
are constructive. I’ve listed a few paragraphs from her article below. Her
article can be viewed on the web at http://www.umc.org/site/apps/nlnet/content3.aspx?c=lwL4KnN1LtH&b=2639513&ct=5031373
The book “Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most” gives us techniques that guide people of faith when we come into conflict with other people of faith regarding difficult issues. These techniques will help us move from blaming, complaining, and advocating to a deeper appreciation for each other and what is valued most by all parties involved. I believe that these techniques are essential for maintaining healthy relationships in the local church too. We should move our interactions with each other from blaming, complaining, and advocating to inquiry as we come to understand how others view the issues that they care about. This emphasis will move us from decision making to community making.
By
Linda Green
Feb.
15, 2008 | NASHVILLE, Tenn. (UMNS)
“If
you want to understand a difficult conversation, you must understand what people
are thinking and feeling,” said Douglas Stone, one of three
co-authors of the book.
“It
is not just about how to be nice to each other or how to be civil to each other.
It is about how to really talk and understand each other.”
–Douglas Stone
Creating
listening space
“(Douglas)
Stone advised that delegates to General Conference, the denomination’s top
lawmaking assembly, deal with hot-button issues by creating space for listening
and inquiry, to take the role of understanding how others view issues instead of
being purely an advocate.”
“Inquiry,”
he said, “is helping me understand not just what you see but why you see it
that way. What goes into your point of view? What values and experiences, what
assumptions, what fears, your predictions about the future, what do you care
about?”
“People
fear or avoid difficult conversations because they fear the consequences, but
all difficult conversations have a common structure,” Stone said. “Each
difficult conversation is really three conversations – involving facts,
feelings, and identity – that can make it difficult to talk with one
another…”
As
we enter into this season of Easter it is my prayer that we might discover a new
appreciation for the Body of Christ; that we will discover a new humility in our
interactions with one another. May this be the season where we discover how to
listen and appreciate what is valued and why. The church is all about extending
a little grace to one another, offering each other a little space; so that we
might spell differently the old saying, “My way or the highway!” that it
might become “My way or the High Way!”
Rev.
Thomas E. Myers
Updated: 4-2-08